I don't know if you will see this, but I have to pen down my thoughts before going off later. I looked through some of our albums, and tears just fell down naturally. I saw Kerensa's tweet about four years with her bf, and I thought about us. Three years, it has been so long. Despite all the bumps and how everyone did not believe that we will last, we did, against all odds. I think about us everyday. About how things could have been better..... If only. As I am typing this, I am crying. I know, I told you I had enough of myself crying and you told me the same. But, that's the way I am. It hurts me that your way of making things right is to pull yourself away as a boyfriend and to present yourself as a friend, rather than just letting nature take its course. Being friends with you, it's such a painful thought. I miss us. No matter how much shit you put me through, when I think of the happy times we had I just can't help but feel that this is so wasted. We could have been better. I know, you want the best for me. But right now, I can make it such that you are the best for me. If only you would try as hard as me. I'm going off to cambodia for two weeks. I don't know if I'll get to talk to you as frequently, and I don't know if things will change. I just wish, we can be better.

I miss you.

Day 1. I survived on almost barely zero sleep up till now. I am basically a zombie. I am trying hard to not burst out crying. I miss you. I miss us. My eyes hurt, they hurt badly. But my heart and my head hurt more. Why, you can see all that I tweet, but you just choose to keep quiet? The thought of you, paying more attention to other girls, kills me. The thought of you, leaving for tw, and u won't miss me anymore, kills me. The thought of you, keeping all my gifts, putting them away like how you put me away, kills me. Everything u say, it can kill me. It can destroy me. Why do I let you do this to me? How could you have changed so drastically over such a short span? It's like you never loved me. It's like the three years that we had, were nothing to you. You just forget it, like snap. Gone. Forever.

So drained. So tired. I just want to give in to my emotions and let them take over and go mad. Go crazy. But no matter how hard I beat myself up, you don't care. Not anymore. U never did. You gave urself a chance to meet better girls, I never did. For you, I closed out other guys. I always knew when to draw the line.